There are no words

There are really no words to describe the terrible tragedy in Newtown. That morning I checked People.com, as I do every day, when I saw the story of a gunman in an elementary school. Within minutes Facebook blew up with status updates and links about the horror.

Every day, Ian and I park in a nearby neighborhood and walk a block or so to pick up Cole. On that day, I was in tears as the line of kindergarteners came out. I know so many of them now. They wave when they see me. They hug me goodbye. I stood there watching all those little faces and wondering how. How? How would I get through it?

Walking home that day was extra special...because I got to.

Over the next couple of days, more stories were told. Pictures and names of the victims were released. I scrolled through the galleries looking at each with tears welling in my eyes. And then I saw this one:

And I felt like I had been stabbed in the heart. Daniel Barden. 7. He reminded  me so much of my Cole. That hair. That face that is almost "too pretty" to be a boy. The missing teeth (though Cole's are on the bottom). I started praying again for all those parents and family and friends. For the ones left behind. And I closed my laptop and hugged my boys. And hugged them and hugged them some more.
 

And then this. Little Daniel's funeral. Again with the stabbing in the heart. Daniel had planned to be a fireman when he grew up so there was a line of firefighters in his honor. Another parallel to my Cole who says he's going to be a Deputy Sheriff when he grows up. And I thought how it would be...to be at my little guy's funeral, with a line of Deputy's. And I started praying again. For Daniel's parents and his siblings and his family and his friends.

There are no words.